Westside Toastmasters is located in Los Angeles and Santa Monica, California

Anger

Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed about being right?
WAYNE W. DYER

Anger is a natural part of life. Like conflict, anger can be positive if it mobilizes you to overcome obstacles. But if it is focused on people, it can be destructive. These ideas will help you reduce the negative effects of anger.

YOUR OWN

1. • Acknowledge your anger.

   • Identify the source of your anger. Is this person or event the real source, or just a trigger for unresolved, and perhaps unrelated, anger?

   • Act, don't react. Focus on events, actions, and things, not on the person.

   • If you feel "out of control," take a deep breath, count to ten, and try to respond as calmly as possible. If this is difficult, leave the situation until you feel ready to deal with it calmly and rationally. Talk to a third person first, if necessary.

   • If you are documenting your concerns and others will read your notes, don't send the first draft. Wait twenty-four hours to review your tone and choice of language. If possible, have a trusted and objective colleague edit your work.

FROM OTHERS

2. • Listen while the person vents his anger.

   • Mirror her behaviour by adopting a similar position. Sit if she is seated, stand if she is standing.

   • Allow him to finish, so he has everything off his chest.

   • Show empathy. Acknowledge her right to be angry.

   • Validate his position. Confirm your agreement with him and/or an understanding of the issues.

   • Don't use language that might trigger further anger.

   • Maintain a calm, quiet posture and speak in a calm tone (measured volume and pace).

   • Help the person deal with the problem so that it does not recur.

   • Ask the person to document more complex problems. Set up a time to review concerns.

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